6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize