It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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