just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm like, not good at living.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
