We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
