I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
