there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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