so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
These tits shall not be calmed
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
