are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize