oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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