he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
