There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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