I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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