dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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