Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
