Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.â€
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize