Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
