It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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