He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
