just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize