I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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