I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm at about main and main street
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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