It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
