Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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