so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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