I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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