well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
