Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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