My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
