We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
