I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
