It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
