Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
