he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
