Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
