I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
