overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize