Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
