god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Randomize
