i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
