all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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