i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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