i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
