I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
vagina is talking i cant
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
