Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
