for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
