I think I won the penis lottery.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
