someone owes me an orgasm
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize