I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
