I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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