I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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