My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
