He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
