dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
did i walk over a car last night?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
