Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize