we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
