So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
