I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
