Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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