he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We smell like vodka and hangover
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
