She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
