hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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