My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just tell him i said nine months
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
