In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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