You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
