You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
