yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
