We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
