I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
