so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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