Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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