haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
