no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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