He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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