True but thats because hes a fetus.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize