I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
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