i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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