what day is it and did you see me today?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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