people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
