best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
