yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
