I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
