I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
