I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
