I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
