Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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