So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize