it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
