if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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