K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
