thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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