Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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