All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
