I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
