16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize