I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Randomize
