got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
