There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
