Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
