life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
