Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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