yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
