i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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