You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
