how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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