C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
